If I was sweet sixteen again...what would i tell myself?

I would tell me to worry less about what others thought about me.

My sense of style at that age was less defined, or maybe I wasn't brave enough to wear the things that I liked. I would tell my younger self that probably everyone else is worrying about what they are wearing and they are too busy to be interested in what you are doing. So just do what you want to do, as long as it respectful and doesn't hurt others it really shouldn't be that big a deal.

Go see places, do things now. Don't think that you will have lots of time to do stuff. Time runs faster the older you get. The more commitments you have the less you have time or money to do things.

Spend time listening to the stories that grandparents and parents tell. Make notes. I regret not listening harder to stories, not taking notes and not committing to paper what i have now forgotten.

I was nice, I was never hurtful or spiteful at that age. However, I did get myself into a few sticky situations by not following my heart and conscience. I would say to have courage of my conviction.

But in general I am thankful for all the things that have happened. I have learnt a few lessons, but it might have been easier if I had listened better.

My favourite season

Every season has its appeal, but I prefer spring and winter.

I love that Spring is the start of new life, it feels hopeful. The nights are drawing out and the bitterness of winter starts to relent. In Scotland there is a phrase: Ne're toss a cloot til May is oot. Never throw out a cloth (warm clothes) until the May blossom is out. Which basically means that it can still be very bitter until much nearer summer.

So, if I love spring why do I also love winter? It probably has to do with the romance of the season. I love cosy nights in, I love being warm inside when it is all frosty out. I love snow, I love how the frost looks all sparkly and magical first thing in the morning. I love the barren landscape. And I LOVE all things Christmas related.

Maybe it's the Gemini in me that means I can never settle on just one thing. I do love every season for it's own merits, but if I had to pick then spring and winter would get my extra votes.

What's in a blog name

It's a signpost to where you want to go, where you have come from and where you are just now.

Akilli Melek is Turkish for clever angel, but Melek is also a girl's name. They were two of the first words that I learnt.

Also, I should mention that in Turkish there are two 'i's. One with, and one without, a dot above it. Akilli shouldn't have the dots, but when I was creating the blog I couldn't work out how to change my keyboard. Hey ho!

The first time I visited Turkey was a girls holiday. We all had to choose a Turkish girls name. It was kind of a giggle. In the resort all the Turkish waiters would have British names. They said it made it easier for the tourists. So we decided one night to have Turkish names, to repay the favour. One of the waiters said that I should be called 'clever' Angel, and it kind of stuck!  We did have a giggle that night, but I couldn't get used to being called something else so it didn't last long.

5 years ago, when I was living in Turkey with my husband, I started my blog. I thought it was appropriate that my blog should reflect that.

friday fun

What a difference one day can make.

Normally Ayla has nursery over 3 days tue - thur. This year I will be taking her to assembly. It is only for 30min or so, but we have the whole morning routine to do for an extra day.

Is it worth it? Yes, I think so. It means that she has structure for another day. It means that we don't waste half the day lounging about. (It also means no long lie for mummy, ugh!)

As I sit here writing this post, I realise that although it is only a half hour event it impacts on the whole day. We have done more today than normal, albeit with crazy girlie hair. I am also more tired than normal for a Friday evening. Oh well, a long bath for Toots and then hopefully bed for us both.

Have a great weekend everyone xx

Facebook or blog?

I have an iPhone so I can upload photos straight to Facebook. No hunting for cables to download onto my computer first.

There is much more immediate feedback with the like/comment functionality. Instant gratification keeps me going. Often blog posts will be read but if no one comments is it really a conversation or just an internal dialogue?

More of my friends are on Facebook, and they get alerts to new content immediately. It can actually keep me in touch with friends on a daily basis, where you wouldn't necessarily send a text or make a call.

Some of the groups that I belong to on Facebook as specific support groups for Edwards Syndrome. I tend to post a lot in there because there is a mutual sharing of information and support. I read those threads regularly for the same reason.

Other groups are specific to scrapbooking, so you can have those conversations with people that understand your (addictive) hobby and are of the same ilk. In the UK it's not a hobby with as many interested in it as cardmaking might be. There is a cross over in skill set and product used, but they are 2 distinct activities.

All that said, I still try to update my blog. It is a space where I can ramble on about my thoughts, observations and feelings. Its not just a tagline against a photo, or answering a question. So for me, there is a purpose and a place for both Facebook and blogging.

Do you have a preference?

my ideal day

If  I were to choose where to go, what to do, it would be a day of two halves.

I would enjoy a morning crafting. I love scrapbooking and I enjoy card making too. It is partly a release and partly an addiction. I'm not even going to start thinking about how much stash I have, or how much I spent on it. I did mention it was an addiction!

The rest of my day would be spent going somewhere with Ayla. Somewhere we could enjoy together. Probably to the beach if it was a really warm day.

Now that's not to say that we would be anywhere near the water, but sitting up on the dunes or on the headland watching the water and having a roll about on the blanket would be ideal.

What would your ideal day look like?

trying to resume a more regular service

Its hard. It takes time, something I don't always have enough of. How am I going to manage a more regular routine?

Over on www.braveloveblog.com she has come up with a strategy. She's calling it blogtember. Her first prompt is about introducing yourself. If I'm honest it feels kind of weird introducing myself a few years into my blogging adventure. So I got to thinking, am I a different person now to who I was when I first started blogging?

Eh, most definitely. I'm a mum.

I've done all the personality tests. I know who I was, when I worked in HR. But who am I now? Mostly I'm Ayla's mum. My life revolves around her needs, which are complex and pretty full on most of the time. It doesn't leave much time for other stuff. I'm OK with that. I love being her mum, for however long she stays with us. She has Edwards Syndrome, trisomy 18. She is my little miracle, who is redefining the classification of 'not compatible with life'.

You might think that classifying myself primarily as her mum means that I am belittling myself. Actually, I think I've grown and become much more than I was before I was her mum. I'm a carer, an educator, her nurse and a whole lot of other roles all rolled into one. I've never felt as important as she makes me feel now.

In the free time that I do have, when she is at nursery, I'm a daughter and a wife and a crafter. I love those roles too, but against being a mum they don't stand a chance! Ha! Isn't that the way it should be? I think so.

Hopefully I'll manage another few posts this month. Have a lovely day xx