how can i have gone so long

without posting? Since September 2015?!?

Life happens, that's how.

Ayla's second year of nursery was full of getting ill with infections. That meant more time away from school than the previous year, and more time nursing her (including over christmas). We managed another 2 trips to Turkey. Mum got sick. We adapted our bathroom and put tracking & hoist in the livingroom and Ayla's bedroom. The garden got some much needed TLC.

and I'm sure some other stuff happened inbetween then to keep me away from this blog.

On the other hand, you could say that I was spending my time the best way possible, with this little monkey magic!

I'll try not to be away so long next time
(found a couple of posts that had been sitting in my drafts so they should appear below)

halloween 2015

Decorate house....check

Buy sweets for guisers....check

Dress Ayla in costume .... check

Help nieces and nephews into their costumes......check

take group photo (so i can have fun scrapbooking it)......check, check, check, check.....

It almost caught me by surprise this year. Last year I remember more of a build up, more hunting for decorations, taking more time to decorate. This year Ayla had a school party on friday morning and then we decorated the house on saturday afternoon.

Still, we had a good laugh and a few visitors came for halloween sweets. Of course they had to have a song, or story or joke for me to get their goodies. Most were jokes. some were funny and everyone was rewarded with a handful of chocolates and sweeties.

Did you enjoy halloween this year, or did it pass you unaware?

Turkey again

We made it to Turkey again this summer.

It was nerve wracking, again. This time we only had my mum to help. With all of the luggage and equipment that Ayla needs for travel we needed a second pair of hands. Thankfully the special assistance team helped us at both airports.

We had a very different holiday. Much more sedate, no trips. Instead we stayed in the resort, apart from one 20min drive for a village breakfast on our last day.

Mainly we stayed close to home because Ayla got sick. Thankfully it was just a head cold. It still required Oxygen at night and a couple of days suctioning in the morning. But it could have been so much worse. It was scary enough having her ill away from home and the hospital staff that we are used to (and more importantly that are used to Ayla). Thankfully easyjet let us take a whole suitcase of medical equipment for no additional cost. We certainly made good use of it this holiday.

Will it stop me going on holiday with her again? .... NO
Will it make me confident at going on holiday with her again? .... NO
I just decided not to let my fears stop me from letting her experience different things and places.

A good night's sleep...

goes right out the window with a poorly girlie.

An advert running currently on facebook states that getting less than 7hrs sleep a night doubles your risk of heart attack; increases risk of congestive heart failure; slows your metabolism & makes you hungry (great combination there)

4 hrs sleep for 6 nights in a row can do the following:

impairs glucose intolerance (a sign of prediabetes)
your immune system struggles to fight infections
never mind dark circles and fine lines or decision making, concentration and memory, mood swings and headaches.

I wonder what 4 years of not getting enough sleep does to your body?

A weekend away....

... makes the heart sing.

On one of our days out to Cockenzie, we drove past the caravan park in Port Seton. Mum commented on how that was the holiday destination of choice when she was a young girl.

I wondered if I would be able to take Ayla there. It was only an hour from home. It had 6-8 berth static caravans and there looked to be some nice amenities on site. So, the plan was made. We booked from Friday 3pm - Monday 10am.

Well, that was the plan....but with all things planned in advance, Ayla often throws a spanner in the works. The weekend before we were due to depart she took ill. It was just a head cold, but with Ayla even a simple cold can be catastrophic. So, as with all our 'plans', there were some amendments to be made.

My mum and sister were still going to be staying overnight, but we would travel back home every evening so that I would have night nursing cover for Ayla. That basically means I can sleep.

The weekend was a great laugh. We went out for lunch and dinner, we relaxed and caught up on gossip, and drank lots of tea.

The highlight for me was taking Ayla swimming for the first time into a swimming pool. Of course, I had my hands full, even though my sister was in the pool with us, so no photo. I'm a scrapbooker/memory keeper so that does upset me a bit, but at the end of the day you have to enjoy life and create memories before you can document them in pictures.

The best thing about the weekend was having a base where Ayla could lie out and relax. We could just have done day trips and gone to the same places, but it would have been so much more frenetic and much more tiring without the caravan to relax in.

Some of my favourite layouts

You wouldn't think it reading back the blog, but I do have a hobby. I scrapbook. I am a memory keeper and I love it.

Some of my favourite layouts that I have created last year:

I don't create chronologically, I just see a lovely photo and pick lovely papers and get to work.

I'm hoping to start posting more of these, but it is a longer process than uploading to facebook which I can do relatively easily from my iPhone.

Hope you all have a great day xx

If I was sweet sixteen again...what would i tell myself?

I would tell me to worry less about what others thought about me.

My sense of style at that age was less defined, or maybe I wasn't brave enough to wear the things that I liked. I would tell my younger self that probably everyone else is worrying about what they are wearing and they are too busy to be interested in what you are doing. So just do what you want to do, as long as it respectful and doesn't hurt others it really shouldn't be that big a deal.

Go see places, do things now. Don't think that you will have lots of time to do stuff. Time runs faster the older you get. The more commitments you have the less you have time or money to do things.

Spend time listening to the stories that grandparents and parents tell. Make notes. I regret not listening harder to stories, not taking notes and not committing to paper what i have now forgotten.

I was nice, I was never hurtful or spiteful at that age. However, I did get myself into a few sticky situations by not following my heart and conscience. I would say to have courage of my conviction.

But in general I am thankful for all the things that have happened. I have learnt a few lessons, but it might have been easier if I had listened better.

My favourite season

Every season has its appeal, but I prefer spring and winter.

I love that Spring is the start of new life, it feels hopeful. The nights are drawing out and the bitterness of winter starts to relent. In Scotland there is a phrase: Ne're toss a cloot til May is oot. Never throw out a cloth (warm clothes) until the May blossom is out. Which basically means that it can still be very bitter until much nearer summer.

So, if I love spring why do I also love winter? It probably has to do with the romance of the season. I love cosy nights in, I love being warm inside when it is all frosty out. I love snow, I love how the frost looks all sparkly and magical first thing in the morning. I love the barren landscape. And I LOVE all things Christmas related.

Maybe it's the Gemini in me that means I can never settle on just one thing. I do love every season for it's own merits, but if I had to pick then spring and winter would get my extra votes.

What's in a blog name

It's a signpost to where you want to go, where you have come from and where you are just now.

Akilli Melek is Turkish for clever angel, but Melek is also a girl's name. They were two of the first words that I learnt.

Also, I should mention that in Turkish there are two 'i's. One with, and one without, a dot above it. Akilli shouldn't have the dots, but when I was creating the blog I couldn't work out how to change my keyboard. Hey ho!

The first time I visited Turkey was a girls holiday. We all had to choose a Turkish girls name. It was kind of a giggle. In the resort all the Turkish waiters would have British names. They said it made it easier for the tourists. So we decided one night to have Turkish names, to repay the favour. One of the waiters said that I should be called 'clever' Angel, and it kind of stuck!  We did have a giggle that night, but I couldn't get used to being called something else so it didn't last long.

5 years ago, when I was living in Turkey with my husband, I started my blog. I thought it was appropriate that my blog should reflect that.

friday fun

What a difference one day can make.

Normally Ayla has nursery over 3 days tue - thur. This year I will be taking her to assembly. It is only for 30min or so, but we have the whole morning routine to do for an extra day.

Is it worth it? Yes, I think so. It means that she has structure for another day. It means that we don't waste half the day lounging about. (It also means no long lie for mummy, ugh!)

As I sit here writing this post, I realise that although it is only a half hour event it impacts on the whole day. We have done more today than normal, albeit with crazy girlie hair. I am also more tired than normal for a Friday evening. Oh well, a long bath for Toots and then hopefully bed for us both.

Have a great weekend everyone xx

Facebook or blog?

I have an iPhone so I can upload photos straight to Facebook. No hunting for cables to download onto my computer first.

There is much more immediate feedback with the like/comment functionality. Instant gratification keeps me going. Often blog posts will be read but if no one comments is it really a conversation or just an internal dialogue?

More of my friends are on Facebook, and they get alerts to new content immediately. It can actually keep me in touch with friends on a daily basis, where you wouldn't necessarily send a text or make a call.

Some of the groups that I belong to on Facebook as specific support groups for Edwards Syndrome. I tend to post a lot in there because there is a mutual sharing of information and support. I read those threads regularly for the same reason.

Other groups are specific to scrapbooking, so you can have those conversations with people that understand your (addictive) hobby and are of the same ilk. In the UK it's not a hobby with as many interested in it as cardmaking might be. There is a cross over in skill set and product used, but they are 2 distinct activities.

All that said, I still try to update my blog. It is a space where I can ramble on about my thoughts, observations and feelings. Its not just a tagline against a photo, or answering a question. So for me, there is a purpose and a place for both Facebook and blogging.

Do you have a preference?

my ideal day

If  I were to choose where to go, what to do, it would be a day of two halves.

I would enjoy a morning crafting. I love scrapbooking and I enjoy card making too. It is partly a release and partly an addiction. I'm not even going to start thinking about how much stash I have, or how much I spent on it. I did mention it was an addiction!

The rest of my day would be spent going somewhere with Ayla. Somewhere we could enjoy together. Probably to the beach if it was a really warm day.

Now that's not to say that we would be anywhere near the water, but sitting up on the dunes or on the headland watching the water and having a roll about on the blanket would be ideal.

What would your ideal day look like?

trying to resume a more regular service

Its hard. It takes time, something I don't always have enough of. How am I going to manage a more regular routine?

Over on www.braveloveblog.com she has come up with a strategy. She's calling it blogtember. Her first prompt is about introducing yourself. If I'm honest it feels kind of weird introducing myself a few years into my blogging adventure. So I got to thinking, am I a different person now to who I was when I first started blogging?

Eh, most definitely. I'm a mum.

I've done all the personality tests. I know who I was, when I worked in HR. But who am I now? Mostly I'm Ayla's mum. My life revolves around her needs, which are complex and pretty full on most of the time. It doesn't leave much time for other stuff. I'm OK with that. I love being her mum, for however long she stays with us. She has Edwards Syndrome, trisomy 18. She is my little miracle, who is redefining the classification of 'not compatible with life'.

You might think that classifying myself primarily as her mum means that I am belittling myself. Actually, I think I've grown and become much more than I was before I was her mum. I'm a carer, an educator, her nurse and a whole lot of other roles all rolled into one. I've never felt as important as she makes me feel now.

In the free time that I do have, when she is at nursery, I'm a daughter and a wife and a crafter. I love those roles too, but against being a mum they don't stand a chance! Ha! Isn't that the way it should be? I think so.

Hopefully I'll manage another few posts this month. Have a lovely day xx

4th Birthday

It went so quickly.

First day back at nursery this morning:

You are wearing trousers age 4 but all the other items are age 3. We felt that it was easier to have you in trousers this year, to keep you tidy and managing you between chairs etc.









Gran and Aunt Sandra came to visit and we had cake. Aunty babs and the boys came later on.

You got lots of presents: lay-z-spa; scoot; clothes; chiffon scarves; shoes; hamma beads; beach towels; balloons; sensory balls; name picture; rattles, toys and money. You are so loved, and so very spoiled by everyone.

This year a lot of your presents were wrapped in tissue paper so you could rip it apart with a little help. You seemed to enjoy that.






It was a lovely day and we got to spend it with you enjoying yourself.

We made it through our first 7 week summer holiday

At the end of June I worried how I was ever going to survive having Ayla home all summer. 7 weeks! I made a resolution that every week we would do at least one thing, or go one place, or see one new landmark. It was a bold statement, but a promise that I made to myself and to Ayla.

We actually made 11

1. The Kelpies - Helix Park 
2. Istanbul Palace in Edinburgh
3. Falkirk Wheel
4. Play & Chat at Plus Stirling
5. Butterfly Farm in Edinburgh
6. 5 sisters zoo in west lothian
7. Cockenzie House - Falco's secret garden restuarant
8. Rosslyn Chapel
9. Linda's new house in penicuik
10. Pittencrieff Park
11. Aberdour - silver sands beach

I am so very pleased that I managed to take her out and about. Some of these places I had never been to either. There are more photos of each of the locations, but i think they might be in my SLR.

 pittencrieff park peacocks

Rosslyn Chapel

 Drinking my cappuccino in Ocean Terminal

One of the Kelpies

oh dearie me....2015 is running away with us

I can hardly believe that it has been 6 months since I have posted.

May 2015 - a trip to Turkey to see Ayla's Turkish Granny.

We also got to paddle in the Aegean Sea

April - Ayla got to roll her boiled egg down the hill for Easter. She also wore lovely bunny ears

March - met Uncle Apo, comic relief at Rachel House and had first hot tub of the year after playing on the swing with her cousins

February - after hospital at the beginning of feb we had an evening meeting all of mum's cousins

January - bundled you up warm after spending after spending the 1st of 2015 and the next 2 weeks in hospital. Still at least you met Elsa and Olaf!

another little stay at hospital

Well I can't believe that my little fighter managed to get home after only 5 days in hospital.

Of course we are still on antibiotics and still doing chest physio, but we might consider nursery next week.

I'm hoping these little illnesses help to improve her immune system if nothing else.

2 halloween costumes

Well thank goodness that my Brother has kids, we had 2 costume opportunities for Ayla this Halloween. Thankfully my SIL brought a bag of old costumes for me to peruse.

We eventually settled on a spanish dancer costume for her nursery party and a ladybird outfit for the grand night itself!

I did decorate the house, but forgot to photograph it. Oh well, I'm sure I'll find some photos later that have bits of it on show.

Hope everyone has a good winter season

school uniform

It's an everyday occurrence for some, but it's something that we never thought we would see. So, I'd like to share: Ayla's first day in her school uniform. Ofcourse, after all the fun she's been having at nursery it will never be the same. But for that first day it was all spic and span!

wishing you a happy week whatever you are up to

She's 3

How did that happen? They told us 3 days, now we are 3 years.....

Well it's been a mix of trust in our child, bumbling blindly along and a healthy dose of prayers. That is what has got us to where we are now.

I'm not updating the blog as often as I would like. I was hoping for at least a monthly update, but you know how it goes with best laid plans and all....

July was a month of

• splashing in hot tubs
• my nephew trying to hypnotise Ayla into saying her first words LOL
• visiting friends and family
• lazing in paddling pools in the back garden

August was a month of

• rolling onto tummies
• brushing teeth (finally without gagging)
• visiting another family who are travelling this road with trisomy 18
• Garden parties with RNSO
• turning 3
• starting nursery

September so far: 

• school photo
• visit to the safari park
• baking cakes with classmates
• discovering the gigglebellies videos

quite frankly ayla is rocking being 3. She has developed a few new tricks, but more of that in another post.